The Curious Effects of the Dream Dream Fruit
by Kumiko Hasegawa
Summary: The stray beam of an enemy Devil Fruit user leaves Sanji in a predicament that he and the rest of the Straw Hats could never prepare for. Merman!Sanji Rated M
1. Chapter 1

I have a bit of writer's block and find that writing something new always helps. This is an idea that I've been playing with since January and finally decided to write. It is a multichapter. At this point, I've given up entirely on self-control.

I do not own One Piece.

This fic is **rated M**.

* * *

Sanji was dreaming, he was certain of it. He had figured it out almost right away, but the dream was so good that he saw no problem with letting it go on. Worry nagged at the back of his mind, telling him that there was something important that he should be concentrating on. Now was not the time to be sleeping. But every time he tried to grasp what the problem might be, the dream pulled him away again, strengthening its hold over his mind.

He was completely immersed in warm, cerulean water. Gentle currents caught in and tugged at his hair, splaying it out around his head like a golden halo. When he looked up, he could see the sun playing on the surface of the water, its rays penetrating the waves above in sporadic columns of light. It reflected off of the dust or sand or microorganisms, making the water around him seem almost luminescent. Peering out into the unending blue, Sanji could see schools upon schools of fish. The water was absolutely packed with life. There were the large fatty fishes from the North Blue and the brightly colored species from the more tropical regions of the South Blue. Sanji recognized fish that he had cooked so many times that he knew their flavor profiles by heart as well as ones that he had only ever seen illustrated in books. But for every fish whose name he knew, there were a dozen more that were completely foreign. Sanji found himself breathless, joy bubbling up inside him and giving him extra buoyancy. He wanted to laugh and cry all at once. He'd finally found it. After all of the doubts and the trials and dangers, he had found it, his miracle ocean.

He was in the All Blue.

But it was more than that. He wasn't simply viewing it from the deck of a ship with rod, reel, and net in hand, nor was he swimming in it. Instead, Sanji was experiencing something so unique and impossible yet at once uplifting that he knew it _had_ to be a dream.

He had become one with the water. It was the only way to describe it.

Sanji was completely submerged in the warm blue water, but he wasn't holding his breath and he wasn't drowning. He was simply there, suspended within his dream ocean, surrounded by a world's worth of fish. Sanji felt oddly connected to his scalier counterparts. Life ebbed and flowed around him and the chef found himself completely contented. His dream was everything he could ever have wanted and more. If he really was sleeping, then he never wanted to wake up.

* * *

When he finally awoke, it was slowly, awkwardly, and painfully. A pressure headache pulsed behind his eyes, matching each beat of his heart. Sanji furrowed his brow, finding his eyelids too heavy to open as he fought against the pain. It felt as if he had smashed his head against the side of the ship following one of Luffy's poorly executed, but oh-so-effective gomu gomu no escape plans. The pain between his ears made it hard to think and he felt as if the room were rocking back and forth around him. Sanji grumbled to himself, the frustrated sound coming out in a rush of air and inaudible words. Off to his side, he heard paper rustling and pages being turned, the sound stopping momentarily when he had incoherently complained. There was the sound of bolts creaking and metal castors rolling across a wooden floor and then he felt a furry hand across his forehead. Sanji kept his eyes shut and laid still. Context clues told him that he was in Chopper's infirmary aboard the ship, though how he had gotten there was beyond him. As it stood at the moment, he didn't want to let onto his consciousness just yet. It would only disturb whatever work the excitable reindeer doctor was doing, not to mention that he wasn't feeling up to fielding the barrage of questions and worrying that were likely waiting for him.

He waited until he heard Chopper return to his desk before he began to silently take stock of his condition. Shifting slightly under the covers, he felt the twinge of a needle in his arm and had to suppress the groan that threatened to rumble out of his lungs. Based off of his headache, Sanji didn't think that the IV could be for pain medication; and he couldn't feel any bandages or the tightness of healing wounds, so he doubted that it was a blood transfusion. Nutrients, then? Just how long had he been out to necessitate a liquid diet? Sanji took a deep breath to quell the panic that made his heart flutter and his headache intensify. Knowing how long he'd been unconscious would only help so much, given the circumstances. He could ask Chopper later.

With a small amount of trepidation, Sanji moved on in his personal exploration. He clenched and relaxed his hands and arms, ensuring that he still had control, pausing only to count off each finger beneath the blankets that covered him. He breathed a sigh of relief. All of his fingers were there, and all of them were working. Good. Satisfied that his most precious tools were intact, he focused his attention on his weapons. He slowly rolled his hips and hesitantly bent each leg at the knee, arching and flexing his ankles and feet as he did so. He noted some slight discomfort in his legs, a lingering ache that started at his hips and ended with a faint tingling in his toes; but everything was doing what it was supposed to and he still had feeling. So, what exactly was the problem? Why was he in the infirmary?

Sanji screwed his eyes further shut, clenching his jaw as he tried to remember what might have happened. It was strange. He could remember getting up that morning and making breakfast. Robin had come in and they had had a long conversation about the importance of diet in different cultures and climates while she sipped her coffee and he made the batter for homemade waffles. The archaeologist had even recommended a book about the differing effects of fruits and vegetables depending upon where they were grown. He had hoped that it would help him to make better choices when grocery shopping on new islands.

He remembered the actual meal. Luffy had wasted no time in eating his share, a third of Usopp's, and nearly half of Nami's, earning himself a swift kick to the head. Chopper had taken his syrup with a little bit of waffle, must to Sanji's chagrin, and Brook had somehow managed to make a bone joke that referenced both the waffle iron and a spatula. He had been midway through preparing a plate for Franky, who was on watch, when the shitty swordsman had stumbled in, more asleep than awake, and made some sort of jab at his clothing choice that all but made Sanji foam at the mouth.

But beyond breakfast, everything was blank. Did he fall down the stairs as he was delivering Franky's breakfast? That would certainly explain his headache. But, again, there were no bandages or gauze wrapped around or taped to his head. If he had fallen and hit his head hard enough to warrant a prolonged stay in the infirmary, then shouldn't there be some sort of mark to show for it?

His headache gave an extra powerful throb, pain blossoming with renewed vigor at the base of his skull. Sanji moaned and wrestled his arms free of their covers to massage at his temples, letting out a softer groan when he heard the rolling chair fly across the room as Chopper practically fell from it. Hooves skittered across the wooden floor, the clacking sound softening to padding as the doctor transformed into his Heavy Point.

"Sanji! Sanji, are you okay?!"

Sanji groaned again, digging his fingertips further into his temples as if to push the headache out. Chopper's voice was way too loud for his liking. If this was how noisy the world intended to be, then he would much rather fall back to sleep.

"M'fine," Sanji somehow managed to grind out as he continued to try to massage away the pain.

"Sanji, I was so worried! I thought you were never going to wake up!" wailed Chopper, his relieved tears evident in his voice. "I-I didn't know what to do! Nothing was working!"

Sanji groaned again and ground his fingers deeper into his throbbing temples. Why did Chopper have to be so loud? The cook grumbled under his breath, his massaging easing some of the pain, as Chopper continued to babble tearfully about how distraught the entire crew had been. Sanji felt a brief swell of guilt. Just what had he managed to do to himself to have caused his crewmates, especially his darling Nami and Robin, so much anguish? He would have to think of a way to make it up to them. Perhaps some custom crafted crepes, each one made specifically to his lovely ladies' tastes. But first…

"How long was I out?"

Chopper sniffled. "What?"

Sanji attempted to crack an eye open to look at his doctor, only to cram it shut as painfully bright light assaulted it. To his knowledge, the infirmary had always been fairly dimly lit. This was worse than that one time when he had had too much wine with Nami and Zoro and suffered a hangover the next morning. Wait, _was_ he hungover? Stupid shitty swordsman. This was probably his fault.

"How long was I unconscious, Chopper?" Sanji asked slowly, struggling a little to make his tongue work.

"Oh…" Chopper paused for a moment, as if debating whether or not to answer. "It's been almost five days."

"What?!"

Sanji sat bolt upright in bed and immediately regretted it as the room began to spin. He swore under his breath and cradled his head in his hands.

"What the hell happened to me?" Sanji asked into his palms, trying his best not to sound too pathetic.

"Well, uh—"

"SANJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Sanji barely managed to brace himself for impact as the door swung violently open and Luffy excitedly bounced into the room. Rubber arms wrapped around him and the bed shook as his captain collided with him in what he assumed was meant to be a hug.

"Luffy! Don't do that! You could hurt him!" cried Chopper, trying and failing to pry the Straw Hat off of the recently awakened cook. "We still don't know what might be wrong with him!"

"But he's awake!" exclaimed Luffy. Sanji felt Luffy tighten his hold on him. "I'm so hungry! Usopp's cooking isn't the same. Ne, Sanji. Can you make lunch? Can you make meat?!"

Sanji flinched away from the very loud voice that was all too close to his very sensitive ear. He cracked an eye open far enough to glare venomously at his captain.

"Is there even anything left to cook?" he growled. Sanji slumped in Luffy's grip. "My poor Nami-san and Robin-chan. They must be wasting away. With you morons managing the storage, they probably starved." He whined. "I'm a failure."

"I assure you, Cook-san, we survived," said Robin from the doorway, a small smile softening her features as Usopp and Nami pushed past her into the room. "Though we certainly did miss your presence in the kitchen quite a lot."

"You're too kind, Robin-chwan!" cried Sanji, wriggling where he sat, his headache briefly forgotten. He somehow managed to disentangle himself from Luffy and shoved him from the bed. "I'll make something now! I can't stand the thought of you and Nami-swan having to choke down what these heathens call food."

As he moved to climb out of bed, however, Sanji found his path blocked by Usopp and Chopper. The reindeer was wearing his best stern doctor expression, while Usopp looked…guilty?

Sanji deadpanned at the concerned duo. "What?"

"You need to stay in bed, Sanji!" explained Chopper, worry making his voice way too loud. "You were unconscious for a long time and I still don't know what went wrong. Now that you're awake, I want to run some tests and see how much you remember."

"And we can't do that in the kitchen, because…?"

Chopper nervously fidgeted under the combined scrutiny of the entire crew. Through the open door, Sanji could see Zoro watching the entire exchange carefully, his arms crossed over his chest. The smiles had fallen from Nami's and Robin's faces, and Luffy looked oddly serious.

"Okay, what the hell happened?" asked Sanji.

"Don't you remember anything?" whispered Nami.

Sanji slowly shook his head. "I remember making breakfast. Did something happen after that? Did—"

"You fell," interrupted Usopp, his eyes wide. "You just crumbled onto the deck like you died. I don't—That should have been me."

"What?" Sanji furrowed his brow. The others weren't making any sense. So, he fell. How? Did he trip down the stairs? Get in a fight with the shitty swordsman? Cook with bad ingredients? Okay, that last one was preposterous.

"We were attacked by another pirate ship," explained Zoro, still maintaining his guard by the door. "One of 'em was a Devil Fruit user. He hit you with some sort of beam—"

"He was aiming at me," said Usopp, his voice sounding slightly broken. "It should have been me."

"—you just fell," continued Zoro as if Usopp hadn't spoken. "No injuries, nothing. You collapsed."

"They got away," growled Luffy. "If we ever see them again, I'm gonna kick their asses!"

"We thought you were dead, at first," whined Chopper. "You wouldn't move; you didn't seem to be breathing. And then when you were, you wouldn't wake up. Nami even came in here with her new bathing suit. Nothing worked."

"Can I see it now?" asked Sanji, his heart aflutter at the mere thought of the navigator giving him his own personal fashion show.

"Of course not!" snapped Nami. "This is really serious!"

"Oh, yes. My apologies, Nami-san." Sanji pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. His headache was coming back. This was too much to process and he couldn't help but think that he just wanted to go back to sleep. That dream had been so nice. Sanji sighed, lifting his head to look at his crewmates. "But I'm awake now. And I feel fine. Maybe his Devil Fruit power was just making people sleep."

"You're not feeling any other side effects?" asked Chopper skeptically.

"No," lied Sanji. Yes, he had a headache, but that was probably because the others—excluding the faultless Nami and Robin—were being too loud. And he could easily chalk his leg pain up to inactivity. There was no need to make his nakama worry over something so inconsequential. "I actually feel really well-rested. Maybe an extended nap was what I needed."

Chopper frowned and Zoro made a noise of disapproval from the door.

"Look," said Sanji, "there's no use in locking me in here. Let me do my job."

"But, Sanji…"

"Come on, Chopper. Please?" Sanji's patience was wearing thin. He began to swing his legs over the side of the bed. "I'll even let you stay in the kitchen to make sure I'm fine. What do you say?"

Chopper sighed, his furry shoulders slumping in defeat. The others smiled nervously, as if they also thought that Sanji should stay in bed even longer. Luffy was the only one that looked genuinely excited to have his cook out of bed.

"So, can you make meat?" asked Luffy, a wide grin on his face as Sanji climbed out of the narrow infirmary bed. "I'm starving!"

* * *

Several days passed and soon the crew, including Chopper, seemed to forget about Sanji's short-lived coma, a fact that the cook was extremely grateful for. It was hard to do his job with his crewmates constantly hovering around, as if waiting for something to go wrong. He stood by his hypothesis that the mystery Devil Fruit user's power had only been to make him sleep. Sanji had decided not to mention his dream or his leg pain, both of which had become stronger since he'd awoken.

The dream didn't bother him in the least. To be honest, Sanji found it refreshing. He had nearly forgotten it in the two years he'd spent on Kamabakka, running for his dignity, er, life. To be reminded of it in such a beautiful way was heartening. He would never tell the others, but he was almost thankful to that other pirate. Having the All Blue back had put him in the best mood that he'd been in since their reunion at Sabaody.

What did worry him, though only slightly, was the leg pain. Just as his All Blue dreams had gotten more vivid over the last several nights, the tingling and soreness in his legs and feet had gotten worse in the day time. Sanji's hips and knees ached, and he felt as if he was constantly walking barefooted over pins and needles. More and more, he had to stop and find someplace to hide—usually in the kitchen—to try to massage away the pain. He didn't want to bother Chopper with it. He didn't have a limp and he could still fight well enough. He and Zoro still had their daily scuffles, during which he'd held his own the same as always. Sanji had resolved to put up with it. Something told him that the leg pain and his dreams were connected. He just couldn't bear to give up the All Blue just yet.

Sanji sighed as he heard a loud bout of laughter come from the deck. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were supposed to be catching tonight's dinner since the aquarium was sitting empty, but it sounded more like they were playing with the bait again. Or, in Luffy's case, eating it. He set aside the salad preparations he had been making, resolving to continue with it as soon as he kicked some sense into his moronic crewmates.

An extra strong throb of pain flared in his hip as he rounded the corner of the counter, stopping Sanji in his tracks. He cursed under his breath and massaged the tender spot. Maybe he should tell Chopper. Whatever. Kick crewmates first.

Sanji found his friends doing exactly as he had predicted. The trio was seated on the rail of the ship, laughing their asses off as Luffy somehow managed to simultaneously play with and eat the bait. None of the three of them noticed as Sanji slowly approached from behind, lighting a cigarette as he stalked up to them. He loomed behind them as they continued to goof off, silently taking note of the pathetically small amount of fish they had caught. Sanji took a deep drag from his cigarette. He could feel Nami and Zoro watching him from across the deck. Good, there would be witnesses.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" yelled Sanji just as Luffy stuck some week old squid tentacles up his nose. "YOU SHITTY BASTARDS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE CATCHING DINNER!"

Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper jumped about a foot in the air in surprise, knocking over the nearly empty bucket of bait onto Sanji's shoes. The cook glared furiously at his crewmates, his hands clenched into shaking fists as he advanced on them. Seeing the fire in his eyes, Sanji's would-be victims scrambled for escape, pushing each other to the side in an attempt to get out of range of his long legs. Luffy shoved Usopp, who in turn shoved Chopper, prompting the reindeer to overcompensate, transforming into his Heavy Point and pushing back. Chopper's strength sent Usopp flying into Luffy and Luffy over the rail. In an attempt to save himself from the dark waters below, Luffy stretched out a hand, but missed the rail and instead overreached, grabbing Nami by the arm. The navigator reached wildly for something to hang onto, her hands fisting in Zoro's robes, leaving Sanji to watch in wide-eyed horror as his precious Nami-swan was swept overboard along with Zoro and Luffy.

Sanji allowed himself the briefest moment to facepalm—he should have seen this coming—and then dove in after them. The water rushed up to meet him, whipping the doomed cigarette from his mouth as he broke the surface.

As soon as he hit the water, the whole world seemed to become clearer. His lingering leg pain ceased along with what was left of his anger at his crewmates, allowing him to focus entirely on the task at hand. In his peripheral vision, Sanji could see Nami and Zoro attempting to go after Luffy, who was sinking to the bottom of the Grand Line like a stone. He didn't even have to pause for a moment to think and realize that they wouldn't reach their captain in time. In addition to the considerable underwater weight created by Luffy's Devil Fruit curse, the rubberman seemed to have been caught in a current that was rapidly dragging him deeper.

Sanji was off like a shot, swimming far faster than he ever had before. He passed by Zoro and Nami in a blur, confident that they would help each other to the surface and the Sunny as he went after their captain. He reached Luffy in a matter of no time, grabbing him under the arms and in a powerful burst, pulling both of them free of the current and toward the surface. As he swam upward, Sanji noticed two black objects drift past them and realized too late that he'd lost his shoes. Bubbles escaped from between his lips as he swore loudly and audibly. Those had been his favorite shoes, but he had bigger things to worry about. Namely his drowning captain…and the fact that he had just expelled an entire lungful of air yet felt no need to breathe more in. What the hell?

Just as with his dive down to save Luffy, Sanji's ascent was rapid and the pair of them broke the surface beside the Sunny in no time. Ahead of him, he could see Nami and Zoro climbing a rope ladder up the side of the ship as the rest of the crew peered over the side in worry. With Luffy draped around his neck like a very limp, very _heavy_ wet rag, Sanji made his way over to them and helped his captain up far enough to grab a hold of Zoro's hand. As the swordsman turned to hoist up their captain, his eye widened as he caught sight of Sanji.

"What the hell, shitty swordsman?" griped Sanji, pushing Luffy higher up, his arms shaking slightly under his dead weight. "Take him so I can climb up! I lost my favorite shoes for you two bastards! I don't want to ruin the rest of my clothes too!"

Zoro just continued to stare at him, his remaining eye growing wider and wider. About half way up the ladder, Nami paused and looked down, her annoyance vanishing as soon as she laid eyes on Sanji.

"Um, Sanji-kun. Are you going to be able to climb up on your own?"

As flattered as Sanji was at her concern, his confusion trumped whatever hearts may have come to his eyes. Of course he'd be able to climb up on his own. Why wouldn't he?

"I think that Devil Fruit did more than just make you sleep, cook," said Zoro, finally pulling Luffy free of the water.

"What?! I—"

"Look down, Sanji-kun," said Nami.

Sanji frowned, but obeyed, peering down through the murky water. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. Suddenly the vanishing of his leg pain and the loss of his shoes made sense. After all, how could his legs hurt when they had been replaced with a powerfully muscled, long and lean merman's tail?

* * *

Ah, yes. A merSanji fic. We all knew it would happen eventually. I'm still undecided as to whether or not there will be pairings in this. We'll see.


	2. Chapter 2

And, chapter two. I'm working on other things too, I promise. But The Golden Spiral is likely to have an 11k+ word chapter, which is a lot to write at once with no breaks. And this is really fresh in my mind. Anyway...

I do not own One Piece.

This fic is **rated M**.

* * *

Sanji floated beside the Sunny, too shocked to be irritated, as Nami and Zoro climbed up to the deck. This was all too weird. He didn't feel any different. If anything, the tail felt more natural compared to the pain and discomfort he had felt in his legs for the last week. The powerful appendage beat leisurely under the surface, holding his shoulders above the water as easily as if he had been kicking with feet.

But the part of him that felt no different was completely at odds with what he was seeing and was capable of believing. Every time Sanji looked down, he expected to see two legs, not a tail. He couldn't stare at his new body part for more than a few seconds at a time before he began to feel sick. Questions flew around his mind, giving him a headache that rivaled the one he had awoken to. Many of them revolved around the mechanics of his situation and cursed his terrible luck, but the biggest and most important asked if he would ever return to normal. Now that he had transformed, would he ever walk again?

Sanji huffed and sank down until only his head was above water as he waited for his crewmates to figure out how to haul him up. What would the rest of the Straw Hats do if he remained a merman forever? Sanji didn't doubt that Luffy would still allow him on the crew, but what use would he be? Sure, he could cook from a wheelchair and his new underwater abilities would be an asset when they fished, but the tail completely robbed him of his Red Leg Martial Arts. He would be defenseless in any fight and a target for every pirate, slaver, and bounty hunter in the New World. With one dive into the ocean, Sanji had gone from formidable fighter to glaring weakness. His presence alone would put his crewmates into that much more danger.

Just as depression really began to set in, Sanji spotted Franky's blue hair over the side of the ship, followed closely by the rest of the crew. Was it just him or did they all look really concerned?

"Oi! Sanji-bro!" Franky called down, cupping his massive hands around his mouth to help his voice carry. "Swim over to the docking doors! I'll open them and have you come in the Mini Merry port!"

Sanji huffed, blowing air across the surface of the water, and gave the cyborg a silent thumbs up before diving below the surface. It didn't occur to him until he'd nearly reached the docking bay that he'd done it completely naturally and that he felt no need to hold his breath. That thought alone made him panic and he broke the surface beside the Mini Merry with a terrified, loud gasp for air.

This was all so wrong.

Zoro, Chopper, and Usopp burst through the door into the docking room just as Sanji was hauling himself out of the water. The three of them stopped short, Usopp's and Chopper's mouths agape with shock and Zoro's face set in a grim expression as they watched him struggle to pull himself up without the aid of his legs. Sanji knew that he should ask for help, but pride made him hold his tongue. This was a test. He had to prove that he could still function on his own, which was a great plan until one of his hands slid out from under him and he tumbled back into the water, knocking his chin on the deck as he did so. Sanji released a string of curses as he fell, his foul language continuing unbroken even after he'd entered the water.

With his chin throbbing and he ego thoroughly bruised, Sanji floated just below the surface for a moment before deciding to give it a second chance. When he popped his head above the water, he found his crewmates in much the same state as he had left them, barring Zoro, whose frown had been replaced by a small smirk. Shitty bastard.

"Well, don't just stand there!" growled Sanji, his patience long gone, lost along with his pride and his shoes. "Help me get out!"

"R-Right!" Chopper and Usopp simultaneously yelped.

There was a moment of confusion as they tried to figure out the best way to go about their task, until Chopper finally transformed into his Walking Point and offered Sanji his antlers as a handhold. The edge of the Mini Merry's dock scraped at his stomach through his shirt as Chopper dragged him from the water, ripping off some of the buttons when they snagged on the wood. Sanji wanted to cry. His shoes were resting at the bottom of the Grand Line, what remained of his pants hung in tatters by his belt around his waist, and now his shirt was torn. This shitty transformation had cost him his mobility, his independence, and the better part of a suit.

"Do you want to ride on my back up to the deck?" asked Chopper, his breath tickling Sanji's forehead.

Sanji sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, wobbling a little as he supported himself on his other arm. He could feel his new tail stretched out behind him, the tip of it still skimming the water, and the weight of his crewmates' stares. He gave the fin an agitated flick without realizing he'd moved it, splashing water onto his back. Sanji shuddered. The tail still felt too natural. He didn't even want to think about looking at it again.

"Or I could carry you bridal style, cook," grinned Zoro.

Sanji glared sullenly at the swordsman. "Chopper, help me up."

"Oh, okay," said Chopper hesitantly, looking between the cook and the swordsman as if he were frightened of getting caught between them in a fight. Good instincts, but not necessary since Sanji didn't have legs to fight with.

Once he seemed to decide that he'd be safe, Chopper shifted into his Heavy Point to carry his crewmate. After a fair amount of awkward jostling, Sanji found himself seated in a weird sort of piggyback ride with one of Chopper's large furry hands cupped under his butt and the other firmly gripping his tail. It wasn't too bad—Chopper's fur was soft and warm after the cold water of the Grand Line—except that Sanji's nose was buried in the thick, downy ring around the human-reindeer's neck and he hadn't realized that Chopper was shedding. He spit a mouthful of hair to the side. Perfect.

"Are you okay back there?" asked Chopper, momentarily tightening his grip around Sanji.

"I'm swell," muttered Sanji, his sarcasm and his voice muffled by Chopper's fur. He felt so stupid and helpless. He had the feeling that this wouldn't be the last time. "Let's go."

Sanji heard Zoro snicker as they passed by and couldn't resist the urge to hit him upside the head with his fin. He smirked when he heard the swordsman curse. At least having a tail had one upside.

Above deck, the rest of the Straw Hat pirates reacted to Sanji's new body in much the same way as the others had. Sanji could almost hear their jaws hit the grassy deck as Chopper gently placed him at the base of the main mast. Out of the water and in the sunlight, Sanji finally got a good look at his new appendage.

Like his legs had been, Sanji's tail was long and lean, but that was where the similarities ended. Fine blue scales covered the entire thing. They shimmered under the afternoon sun, varying in color from deep ultramarine to bright aqua to a light sky-like blue. The fin was wide and split with a delicate membrane of silvery blue. Small droplets of water clung to it, tickling the foreign skin as they ran down to pool in the natural basin created by his fin. When he flexed his muscles, the tail curled upwards and then slapped against the grass with a wet splat, sending the trapped water flying.

It made Sanji's stomach roll.

"Oh man, Sanji. You look so cool!"

Well, at least someone was happy about his tail. And apparently recovered from his near drowning.

Luffy sat in the grass beside his cook, his face split in a wide grin as he prodded at the scales over where Sanji's thighs had once been. "I always wanted a merman on the crew! Ne, Sanji, can you poop?"

"OF COURSE I CAN…um…" Sanji paled several shades. He honestly didn't know if he could poop. He busied himself with digging through what was left of his pants in search of his pocket and packet of cigarettes, a task made more difficult by his shaking hands.

"LUFFY, YOU IDIOT!" snapped Nami, punching Luffy in the side of the head hard enough to topple him over. "This isn't the time for stupid questions!"

"Do you feel okay, Sanji?" asked Chopper, crowding Sanji as he continued his search for his cigarettes. "Does anything hurt? Are you dizzy? Nauseous? Do you need to lie down? Oh, wait, you're already laying down. We need a doctor! Wait, that's me. But how can I treat—?"

"Why don't you give him a minute?" said Robin, placing a hand on Chopper's shoulder and gently steering him away. "Are these what you were looking for, Cook-san?"

Hands appeared in a flurry of petals, passing the pack of cigarettes and the book of matches that Sanji had kept in the kitchen across the deck. Sanji wordlessly took the small offering and after a few tries managed to light a cigarette with shaking hands.

"Thank you, Robin-chan," he said after a deep drag. His headache was back and having the entire Straw Hat crew crowded around him wasn't helping. Sanji inhaled several more deep breaths of nicotine, burning his cigarette down to the filter, and then lit another. "Okay…"

"Do you feel any different?" asked Chopper.

Sanji shook his head. Something still kept him from mentioning his former leg pain.

"Can I get you anything, Sanji-san?" asked Brook, leaning in close with a stiff bow. "Or, perhaps, will you tell me if you have the same parts as a mer_maid_?"

"As if!" growled Sanji, snapping his tail at the skeleton. His stomach rolled as soon as he moved it and he felt the color drain from his face.

The crew silently watched their cook take another long drag from his cigarette.

"Does anyone have an _actual_ question?" asked Sanji.

"I do," said Zoro. When Sanji met his dark gaze, he noticed that the swordsman's hand gripped his white sword's hilt. "Did you know about this?"

"Of course not!"

Zoro narrowed his eyes. "Then what aren't you telling us?"

"Nothing, you—ng…shiiiiiiit."

Sanji broke off mid-retort as sharp pain suddenly wracked the lower half of his body. He fell to his side and doubled over, curling around his tail. The blue scales felt too tight, with pressure growing by the second. Sanji dug at them, his nails catching on but finding no real purchase on his tail. It hurt so badly. The pain robbed him of his breath and his ability to curse or scream.

He could vaguely hear his crew mates reacting above him. Luffy was frantically shaking his shoulder, asking him what was wrong, while Nami was trying and failing to pull the captain away, saying over and over that Sanji needed space. Chopper had disappeared into the infirmary and reappeared with his doctor's bag and was now attempting to push past Luffy to get to the convulsing cook. Usopp and Brook were clinging to each other and weeping over the loss of their resident chef, while Franky was frantically asking for directions on what he could do to help. Of the entire crew, only Zoro and Robin remained calm. The shitty swordsman was watching him with an expression of deep concentration, as if he were trying to decide if Sanji was faking his pain. Meanwhile, Robin had knelt beside him and gently but firmly grabbed a hold of his wrists and pulled his hands away before he could do any damage to them on the hard scales.

After a few minutes that felt like hours but were probably only seconds, Sanji decided that the pain was unending. His heart roared in his chest as panic set in, amplifying the throbbing, burning, stinging sensation that engulfed his entire lower half. He was going to die. He was going to die, and he would have only seen the All Blue in his dreams. Not even dreams, hallucinations induced by a mystery Devil Fruit user. Hopelessness caught in his throat, restricting Sanji's airway as he gasped for breath like a fish out of water. It was oddly fitting, since now he _was_ a fish out of water. His arms shook in Robin's grasp and he could feel the several others of the crew laid across his tail to keep it from thrashing.

And then, suddenly, the pain subsided, disappearing as quickly as it had come. Sanji lay still on the deck, the grass tickling the skin on his legs as he caught his breath. A hush had fallen over the rest of the Straw Hat crew and he felt them back off one by one until only Chopper and Robin remained. After a moment, Robin tentatively relinquished her grip on his wrists while the reindeer gently prodded at one of his calves. Sanji held perfectly still, his mind reeling after the episode he had just experienced. The others were being too quiet and the cook shivered under their combined gazes. Or perhaps it was the cool breeze blowing against his bare backside.

Wait, his backside? Chopper was prodding his calves? He had _legs_?

Sanji sat upright so quickly that he almost knocked heads with Robin, his sudden movement causing Chopper to jump out of the way. His eyes were immediately greeted by the sight of his two legs stretched out before him as if they had always been there. He cautiously wiggled his toes. Everything was there, not even a single leg hair was out of place. Even the dull ache from before his transformation had vanished.

A laugh bubbled up out of his chest as he looked up at the rest of his crew, only to find them staring back with strange expressions on their faces. What now? Had he grown a second head without realizing it? Another breeze blew across the deck and it was then that Sanji remembered his torn and tattered trousers. Slowly and as coolly as possible, Sanji placed the strips of fabric that remained of his pants between his legs, covering his most private parts as best as he could.

As the color that had previously left his face bloomed with renewed vigor in his cheeks, Sanji made a mental checklist of all of the things this shitty Devil Fruit beam had stolen from him. There were his favorite shoes, now long gone, his pants and his shirt, his independence, and now, his dignity. Sanji didn't know what fate had in store for him. He couldn't tell if this would happen again or if he had been cured, but he did know one thing for certain. He was going to find that pirate and—in the immortal words of his great and sometimes wise captain—kick his ass.

* * *

Several miles away and gone completely ignored by the otherwise occupied Straw Hat Pirates, another pirate ship rose and fell with the swells of the New World's ocean. Captain Dulac of the Nightmare Pirates lowered his spyglass, a deep frown creasing his features. He and his crew had been following the Straw Hats at a distance ever since their encounter with the famous rookies two weeks before. They had watched from afar as their rubbery captain and formidable swordsman had felled every enemy the New World threw at them, from massive Sea Kings to wayward Marine vessels.

The Nightmare Pirates had been careful to keep well out of sight of their prey. It was only through the use of Captain Dulac's specially built, extra long, floor mounted spy glass that they had been able to see them at all. The captain had many reasons to follow the Straw Hats and every single one of them began with the Berri symbol. The younger pirates' bounties were staggering and would guarantee his early retirement and a fat bonus for the rest of his crew. Dulac had already enacted the first part of his plan.

Compared to any other Devil Fruit he had ever encountered, Dulac considered his to be the most unique and useful. His Dream Dream Fruit trapped his victims in their most prominent dreams or nightmares, starting with a long slumber followed by a fitful awakening. Then the dream would begin to consume them. His victims would suffer from disorienting waking hallucinations and feel the constant need to sleep. And then, within a few weeks' time, they would fall into a coma and he would collect his bounty. All it took was a blitz attack of his small vessel and carefully chosen crew. The Nightmare Pirates would be on board their victims' ship long enough for him to hit most of the crew with his Dream Dream Beam and then they would retreat and wait for it to take effect.

Unfortunately, his attack on the Straw Hat Pirates hadn't quite gone as planned. They had caught them unaware, pretending to be a stranded ship in need of aid and supplies. The Straw Hats had been cautious of them, until Dulac and his men had claimed to be starving and out of rations. The blond Straw Hat, who Dulac could only assume was Black Leg Sanji (though he bore little resemblance to his poster), convinced his captain to allow them on board just long enough to be fed. Then, as soon as the Nightmare Pirates set food on the oddly grassy deck, they had sprung their trap, only to find the Straw Hats to be significantly stronger than anticipated. Captain Dulac had only managed to fire off his beam at one of them before they had to disembark and run.

Initially, Dulac had cursed his luck. The Straw Hats would be impossible to take down with only one of their crew out of the mix. But he had hung back and observed them nonetheless, if only to be able to predict when they might come after him. Much to his surprise, he soon discovered that instead of hitting the longnosed sniper he had been aiming for, he had somehow managed to strike down the cook.

The Straw Hat Pirates acted quite differently without Black Leg Sanji around. Straw Hat Luffy seemed to grow lethargic fairly quickly when he wasn't properly nourished and emotions ran aboard the Thousand Sunny ran high while they worried after their unconscious crewmate. A week later, when Sanji had awoken, Dulac had noted the different behavior in the cook than he did in most of his victims. The cook didn't seem to have the same lethargy as his other victims in the past. He got into daily battles with the swordsman, Roronoa Zoro, and very actively tried to woo the women on his crew. Dulac had noticed, however, that the cook was hiding some pain from the other Straw Hats. He made frequent trips to the aft of the ship to lean against the rail and massage and prod at his legs.

And then there were today's events.

Dulac couldn't quite believe his eyes when he had seen four of the Straw Hats go overboard, only for three of them to return conventionally. He had just barely caught a flash of blue beside the ship and had puzzled over it until he had seen the Straw Hats' pet carrying Black Leg Sanji up from below deck. Only the cook wasn't the same man that had kicked down so many of his Nightmare Pirates two weeks ago. Something impossible had happened, and something wonderful. Dulac had stared through his spyglass, his mouth agape, as he watched the reindeer lay the newly transformed merman on the grassy deck. He had read of the Dream Dream Fruit's ability to cause physical transformations in its victims, but had never managed it in his lifetime. Captain Dulac could only imagine that it had something to do with Black Leg's dream, whatever it was.

Either way, his plan had been completely turned on its head, replaced by a new one. Dulac peered once more into his spyglass, looking just in time to see Black Leg Sanji wobbling unsteadily into the men's dormitory, clutching the tattered remains of his pants around him. A pirate with a 77 million Berri bounty could bring a decent amount in the slave trade, even more when he was part of a famous crew and at least moderately handsome. But when said pirate could be transformed into a merman at the master's wishes, the potential profits increased exponentially. Dulac no longer needed the monumental bounties of Straw Hat Luffy or Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro. In fact, he didn't need any of the rest of the crew, just one very special cook.

With a wide grin, he turned and walked away from his spyglass, a new plan forming in his mind. Black Leg Sanji was going to make him rich beyond his wildest dreams.

* * *

This isn't beta'd as well as it could be because I am impatient and have zero self control. My apologies for any and all mistakes. I hope you've enjoyed this weird little fic so far!


	3. Chapter 3

And, chapter three. I think I've decided that this fic is pairing free, because sometimes it's nice to write just nakamaship. Also, it's chapters like this one that make this fic have an M rating. So...

This fic is **rated M.**

I do not own One Piece.

* * *

As the door clicked shut behind him, Sanji heaved a heavy sigh and only barely managed to resist the urge to slide down the wood to the bathroom floor. He was absolutely, totally and completely, irrevocably exhausted.

It had been two days since his short-lived transformation into a merman. Since then, Luffy and Usopp (but mostly Luffy) had tried nonstop, day and night, to create a repeat of the event. The duo had very shrewdly come to the conclusion that the key to Sanji's transformation must be water and so the cook had found himself in a constant state of dampness. They had sprayed him with the hose—which was supposed to be used to water Nami's mikan trees and maybe the occasional marimo, _not_ him—overturned glasses of water on his head in the kitchen, and even ambushed him with buckets of soapy water as the crew had been doing laundry. Of course, neither of them had escaped their pranks unscathed. Luffy still had a decent sized swelling on his forehead from the laundry incident and Usopp had assured Sanji that he would be limping for the rest of his life.

But Sanji was still irritated. By this point, all of his shoes were completely waterlogged and he had a sneaking suspicion that his favorite wool suit jacket had shrunk a few sizes. And worse yet, all of his discomfort had been for naught. Whatever they tried, they just couldn't illicit the change in Sanji's form. No, instead Sanji was doomed to be perpetually wet and in pain.

Initially, in the moments following his return to human form, Sanji had thought himself cured. The pain in his legs had vanished and, aside from a little unsteadiness on the long limbs, he had felt completely normal again. But then that night, the All Blue dream had returned even more vividly than the night before and by the next morning his hips and knees throbbed and his feet tingled once again.

He still hadn't told Chopper about the persistent ache and occasional shooting pains. He didn't want the doctor to worry unnecessarily after him or to be seen as an even greater liability. Sanji knew that all of the Straw Hats watched each other's back, but the thought of Nami or Robin getting hurt because they felt the need to go out of their way to protect him when he didn't need it…well, he could handle a little leg pain. He just had to manage it properly and right now a nice hot bath was just what the doctor, er, Sanji ordered.

Sanji eyed the filling bathtub carefully as he undressed. All of Luffy's and Usopp's failed attempts to make him transform had proven that it took more than just water, which was a relief. Sanji had avoided showering for fear of changing again and now felt absolutely disgusting. But something about the thought of a bath gave him pause. All of the rest of the crew was asleep—with the exception of Zoro, who was in the crow's nest working out or growing into a north-facing wall or whatever moss did when it was on watch—so if he transformed, he would be trapped in the bathroom until his legs returned. Sanji thought back to the pain of regaining his legs and shuddered. If he transformed when he was alone, who knew what kind of damage he would unknowingly inflict on himself. He really probably shouldn't take a bath.

But the tub full of water called to him. It pulled at Sanji's psyche in the same way that his dreams of the All Blue did.

Sanji fidgeted beside the brimming tub, goosebumps slowly beginning to rise on his bare skin. It wasn't too late; he could still back out and settle for a long shower. But he wanted to get in that bath water. No, Sanji _needed_ to be in the water. He just knew that it would soothe away his pain and let him forget his troubles.

Drawing in a deep bracing breath, Sanji put on foot into the warm water, holding the porcelain edge of the tub with a vice-like grip just in case his legs suddenly decided to disappear. He paused for a moment and held his breath as the pain in that leg eased significantly. Sanji cautiously wiggled his toes. The leg in the water felt better and still no change. Good.

Feeling a little more confident, he climbed the rest of the way into the tub. The last of Sanji's worries fell away as the warm water enveloped his lower half, rising all the way up to his chest as he lowered himself into it. Yes, a bath had been the right choice.

Sanji released an involuntary groan of pleasure as he relaxed back against the side of the tub, letting his arms float just below the surface of the water. He really didn't bathe often enough. Sure, he showered daily—there was no way that he could live with smelling like that shitty swordsman—but Sanji rarely just spent time soaking in the water. Actually, he barely spent any time _in_ the water. He didn't swim as much as he used to, except of course when Luffy went overboard. He loved the water so much, so why hadn't he done this sooner?

Before he knew it, Sanji was sinking lower and lower into the bath, a satisfied smile pulling at his lips as his shoulders submerged, followed by his neck, chin, and nose. The water pressed at the insides of his nostrils and he expelled a lungful of air to clear them as the surface closed over his head. And then, suddenly, Sanji didn't have to hold his breath anymore. This time, he knew exactly what to expect when he opened his eyes.

He could see everything perfectly, as if he were above the water, looking out over the ocean on a crystal clear day. The warm lights of the bathroom played through the bubble bath mix, casting moving shadows over the blue scales of his tail. Sanji stared at it in wonder. It looked so beautiful and natural under the water, even if it was a tub and not the wide expanse of ocean just out the window. Sanji reached out to touch it, letting his hands run over the smooth scales and then he remembered.

Dammit, this wasn't what he was supposed to be. He had intended to avoid this. Shit.

Gripping the edges of the tub, Sanji pulled his head and shoulders free of the water, cursing himself under his breath. He glared sullenly at the long appendage, his fin flopping slightly over the rim of the tub. Great. Perfect. Wonderful. So he wasn't cured. Even worse, _this_—his stupid, god-damned tail—felt like the cure to his legs. Once again, Sanji was struck by how much more natural and comfortable the tail felt, as if he had always had it and his whole life spent on legs had been some sort of strange dream.

Sanji gave the tip of his tail a slight twitch, flinging droplets of water across the room. His scowl softened as he stared at it. He still hated the thing—hated how vulnerable it made him; hated the unwanted change to his body—but he couldn't help but to feel a little bit of wonder and curiosity. With his transformation, Sanji suddenly felt that much more connected to the ocean. The currents that flowed around the Sunny also flowed through his veins, calling for him to swim among them. He saw the shadows that played on the surface of the All Blue in his dreams reflected in his scales, felt the warmth of the sun and the press of thousands of fellow fish around him. With a tentative hand, Sanji caressed the silvery membrane of his fin.

It was all at once silken and rough; soft at first touch, but further exploration found minute texture that caught on the ridges of his fingers, turned pruny by the bathwater. Sanji's breath caught in his throat as he found himself mesmerized by the beauty of his tail. If only it weren't so inconvenient. If only it didn't put his crewmates into incredible danger. If only he had _wanted_ this transformation.

Sanji huffed and let his hand fall back into the water. He had questions that needed to be answered. Important questions. Ones that wouldn't be found by playing with his fin.

Who had done this to him? What was the nature of this enemy pirate's Devil Fruit powers exactly? His symptoms weren't anything that Sanji remembered reading about before. It had to be a very rare Devil Fruit or some strange side effect. Where was this other pirate anyway? The rest of the Straw Hats didn't seem to know. Apparently, the enemy ship had slipped away as they desperately tried to rouse Sanji from his initial slumber. How were they going to find this pirate? How would he change him back? Could he change him back or was Sanji doomed to be trapped in this body forever? And if he was, how would he function? How would he fight? Could he still cook quickly enough to accommodate his crew? Could he safely shop for groceries? Keep inventory?

_Could he poop?_

Sanji swallowed thickly. It had sounded like such a crude, stupid question when Luffy had asked Caimi—and really it was. Who the hell asked such a question of a lady?—but now the same question swam to the forefront of Sanji's mind. He had no idea how his organs were arranged, of what had changed in his internal anatomy. Certain things were missing on his tail that had been easy to see when he'd had legs. Certain very important things.

He still had it, right? Right? _RIGHT?_

There had to be something that distinguished mermen from mermaids, something other than the mermaids' lovely breasts. After all, they managed to have babies. And they were mammals, weren't they? Sanji's mind flashed to images of the fishwomen and men. Were they? Suddenly, everything that Sanji knew about anatomy didn't seem to matter anymore. He briefly considered asking Chopper, but decided against it. Just the thought of having The Talk with the young doctor made Sanji blush awkwardly. It had been bad enough the first time around with Zeff. There was no way that he intended to relive that.

No, he could figure this out on his own. His hand hovered over where his family jewels had once been, his careful touches finding only more smooth scales. It had to be somewhere. It just had to be.

Then as if on cue, something inside of him moved. Sanji watched with a mixture of fascination and horror as a slit—almost like the entrance to a hidden pocket—opened up under his hand and a white, snake-like appendage slithered out of it. Sanji stared at the thing with wide eyes. It was so long and…alive. It reminded him a little of an eel as it twisted and curled in the water. Sanji gulped. Was this?

His hand shook as he wrapped it around the ghostly organ, a shiver running up his spine as soon as he made physical contact with it. Sanji's shiver evolved into a shudder as what he now knew to be his missing cock wound around his hand and up his arm. He ran the pad of his thumb over it, a pleasurable tingle running through him as it twitched in response. Sanji wanted to laugh and cry all at once. He had a damn whale penis. Take that, shitty swordsman.

Sanji licked his lips as he stared at it, his mouth suddenly dry. The temptation to relieve a little pent up stress was almost overwhelming. It had been a rough couple of weeks and the thing that had slithered its way around his arm like a hypersensitive tentacle provided every bit as much sensation as his human parts had. Sanji sighed. As much as he would have liked to, the novelty of it was significantly dulled by his very strong sense of worry and responsibility. He still had to get out of the tub somehow and wait for the likely painful transformation back into his human form. Who knew how long that would take; and he had to be up and walking around to make breakfast in a few hours.

It was time to get out of the tub, to leave the water once again, as much as he loathed the thought. But first he had to figure out how to disentangle his arm. Sanji gave his arm an experimental tug, only to find it quite trapped. He grumbled to himself. That had felt better than it should have.

Sanji gritted his teeth. He had to concentrate. For all he knew, it could take hours before he became human again. He didn't want or need the confrontation that would ensue from one of his crewmates finding him like this.

Reaching out, he grabbed a hold of his strange new cock with his other hand, a powerful shiver running through his body from the pressure. For several painful, awkward moments, Sanji wrestled with it, feeling for all the world as if he were fighting with the grip of a snake rather than one of his body parts. It didn't help that every few seconds he would have to pause as an aroused shiver ran through him, making him squirm in the bathwater and his tail curl around the side of the tub. Finally, he managed to detach it from his arm, though not before it released a small white cloud into the staling bathwater. Sanji frowned as he watched the organ retract back into his tail through the now murky water, his mind perversely wondering if the contents of that cloud would make human babies or merbabies.

Now to get out of the tub.

Sanji sighed and slumped against the curve of the tub, already exhausted by the mere prospect of it. He scowled at his tail again. Getting out of the bath was going to be difficult without legs, especially since Franky had installed a nice deep one for Nami. He drummed his fingers against the porcelain, trying to build up the mental fortitude to deal with the task to come and his very likely, very painful transformation back into a human.

"Ugh, just get _on_ with it," Sanji muttered to himself, his voice echoing off the tile in the empty room.

Turning, Sanji gripped the outer edge of the tub and began to pull himself out of it. Tepid water sloshed over the edge as he hoisted himself up, ever cautious to not create a repeat of his slipping incident on the Mini Merry's dock. The bruise on his chin was still healing; Sanji didn't want another one. He managed to get the upper half of his body out of the water with his tail still submerged (and feeling rather cramped within the confines of the tub). Furrowing his brow in concentration, Sanji reached one hand down to the tiled floor and realized his mistake too late.

Propped up on one hand and still unfamiliar with consciously dealing with his tail, Sanji overbalanced and tumbled toward the tile. The cook-turned-merman swore loudly as the floor rose up to meet him. This was going to hurt.

He landed hard on his elbow and hip, a very undignified grunt escaping from him upon impact. What seemed like half the tub of water followed him to the floor and Sanji laid in his very own puddle for a minute as he waited for the elbow-smash-induced numbness in his hand to go away. He glared at his tail. The thing really was a problem. If only he had stayed in the tub.

But morning was approaching and Sanji needed his legs again. He had the sneaking suspicion that his return to normal had something to do with drying out. He remembered the feeling of the scales growing tight as the afternoon sun had evaporated the water from them when he was on the Sunny's deck. That wouldn't work now though. He was in the confines of a bathroom in the middle of the night, lying in his own puddle with the towel just out of reach. Even worse, he had closed and locked the door between the toilet and the bath, and the knob looked like it was miles away from his new lower vantage point. Besides, leaving the water this time had left him with a whole new symptom: Sanji was completely exhausted. His earlier drowsiness had returned with full force, weighing his entire body down. He doubted that he even had the strength to drag himself to his towel, let alone to the door. He would have to let himself air dry. At least Franky had built heated tiles into the bathroom.

With a tired sigh, Sanji cradled his head in the crook of his arm and drew his tail up to his chest, letting the rest of it bend and curl around his back. His eyelids began to droop and Sanji barely put up a fight against his oncoming slumber and the warm waters of All Blue.

* * *

Intense, fiery pain forcefully pulled Sanji back to consciousness. He awoke with a loud gasp and immediately reached down to grasp at his tail, the powerful appendage thrashing around on the bathroom floor. Just as it had two days before, the skin and scales over the lower half of his body felt too tight, excruciatingly so. Sanji couldn't breathe around the pain, couldn't even draw enough breath to scream or cry. Instead, he clawed desperately at the hard scales, as if he could rip them away and dig out his legs from the destroyed flesh.

The pain felt unending and the now dry heated tile was white hot against his skin. Sanji let out a strangled cry as a particularly powerful throb of searing pain burned through his lower half. Deep down, he knew that he wouldn't die—he hadn't the first time—but he couldn't help the panic and fear that crept up inside him. Tears squeezed from between tightly clenched eyelids and Sanji felt his body begin to shake. The same thought ran through his mind over and over. It wasn't worth it.

It wasn't worth it; it wasn't worth it; it wasn't worth it.

One of his fingernails caught on the edge of a scale and then suddenly it was digging into the flesh of his thigh. Sanji pulled his hand away and laid panting on the floor, his newly reformed legs pulled up to his chest. A slight dizziness made the room spin as he came down from the adrenaline rush caused by the pain. Was it just him or had that been worse than the last time?

Sanji took in a deep breath and ran one of his hands over his legs, still having to convince himself that they were there. One of his fingers left behind a trail of moisture, prompting Sanji to finally open his eyes. The ring finger on his left hand was bleeding. Upon closer examination, he discovered that he'd torn the nail past the quick. Sanji winced. He'd probably snagged it on one of his scales during his painful transformation.

Sanji sucked on the injured digit as he slowly propped himself up. The sky was beginning to lighten outside of the window. He needed to get up, get dressed, and start breakfast. If he didn't have coffee started soon, then it wouldn't be ready for Robin. He couldn't have that.

He shifted into a seated position and noted that the dull ache in his hips and knees had returned already. He hadn't even gotten a full day of relief. Sanji massaged at the sore joints for a moment before standing. He kept his bleeding fingertip between his lips as he dressed, ensuring that he didn't get any blood on his clothes. At least he didn't need to towel off anymore, though his hair had managed to dry into some sort of disaster. Sanji ran his fingers through his hair as he gave one last glance around the room to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. He must have knocked the drain cover loose with his tail, because the bathtub was empty. Even now it pulled at him and he knew that when he stepped outside, the ocean would call to him just as strongly. His All Blue dream on the bathroom floor had been stronger than ever, probably amplified by his being in his merman form. Part of him—an even bigger part than he cared to admit—missed it, though he didn't want to.

Sanji lingered near the tub for a moment longer and then left to prepare breakfast. He could grab a bandaid from Chopper's infirmary and pass off the injury as a kitchen mishap. None of the others had to know.

And as he made his way down to the kitchen, Sanji couldn't help but to plan his next bath.

* * *

There it is! I hope you enjoyed it. What did you think?

I am working on my other fics; I promise. Chapter 22 of CMD is half-written. I need a break from the angst...and I've been moving...and I'm just having so much fun writing this fic. Please forgive me.


	4. Chapter 4

I know that I have other fics, but this one is too ridiculously fun to write. I am sorry. I have Gifted next on the list.

This fic is **rated M.**

I do not own One Piece.

* * *

For what was probably the millionth time that week, Sanji was contemplating his feet.

It was the end of the day. Dinner was winding down and the others were balanced between conversation, argument, and food comas. Sanji had prepared a large roast with several different sides that had all disappeared within minutes. At the moment, Luffy was trying his best to steal what was left on Franky's plate _and _the piece of meat skewered by Usopp's fork (and halfway to his mouth). The Straw Hat captain's standard dinnertime thievery had provoked a strange but familiar mixture of squabbling and laughter from the rest of the crew. Their voices were drowned out by Sanji's thoughts, however, as he sat and stared at his legs, one hand rubbing circles over a particularly sore spot on his knee. His legs still hurt. Actually, they hurt worse and the pain had returned even more quickly than before.

He didn't want to admit it, even to himself, but the baths had become a terrible habit, one verging on addiction. Even the cigarette that currently dangled nearly forgotten between his lips probably wasn't as bad. At least he could admit that it was an addiction and his crewmates knew about it. And...it didn't put them into any danger.

A sharp stab of pain lanced through Sanji's leg, running from the spot he had been massaging up his thigh to his hip. He hissed quietly around his cigarette and moved his hand up to grip tightly at the worst spot. His bath tonight couldn't come soon enough. He would transform, as he always did, and it would probably happen even more quickly and easily than the last time, and the pain would go away for at least a few hours. Sanji wondered if he would even be able to get waist deep into the tub tonight. He hadn't had to completely submerge for at least two days. It seemed that his body was as eager for the change as he secretly was.

But he had a while to go until he could find relief. Dinner had just ended. He still had to face the hours of cleanup and the weighty stack of dishes on the counter. There was still dessert to serve and coffee for his beautiful ladies. And then he would have to prepare for breakfast the next day. If tonight was going to be anything like the last few, his transformation would last longer than before and he would barely have time to make it to the kitchen before Robin did. They had met at the door at the same time this morning.

"Everything alright, cook?"

Zoro. Dammit. Since when had the shitty swordsman paid close attention to anything other than his swords?

"I didn't know you cared so much, marimo," said Sanji with a sardonic smirk.

Zoro scowled at him. "I don't. But you've been acting weird lately and it's time you told us why."

The rest of the Straw Hats fell silent, their collective attention directed at their constantly dueling crewmates. Tension lingered in the air as they waited to see if there would be a fight in the kitchen. Sanji glared at Zoro. Damned perceptive bastard. How much did he know?

"Everything is great. Never been better," said Sanji, every word laced with venomous sarcasm. "And how are you? Is training going well? You've been smellier than usual."

"Don't change the subject," growled Zoro. "You're hiding something."

"_You're_ hiding something!" Sanji very maturely snapped back.

"Sanji-kun, please."

Now he'd dragged Nami into it.

"Something is obviously wrong." She sounded so concerned. Sanji's heart fluttered oddly in his chest. To have such a wonderful lady worrying after him...

"Yeah, you've been rubbing at that same spot on your leg for the last hour," added in Usopp.

Sanji's hand stopped mid-motion on his thigh.

"Are you in pain, Sanji?" asked Chopper. The little doctor looked concerned as well. Actually, he looked really upset, like he might cry any minute.

"I'm fine," said Sanji, doing his best to disguise a wince as he pulled his hand away from the sore spot.

"You don't seem 'fine'," said Zoro in that persistent, aggravating accusatory tone. "You're having more problems from that Devil Fruit, aren't you?"

Sanji glared at Zoro. "I said, 'I'm _fine_.' Let it go, shitty marimo."

"No." Zoro crossed his arms. Sanji supposed that he was trying to look threatening. It wasn't working. "There's more to this Devil Fruit problem than you're letting on and your silence is putting the rest of the crew in danger. Out with it, cook. What's going on?"

Sanji nearly bit through his cigarette. The whole crew was watching him expectantly; he should have known better than to think that he could hide all of this from them. But something still kept him from simply telling them. If the others truly knew everything that was going on, then they would more actively seek a cure. Sure, the transformations were annoying and inconvenient, and his leg pain even more so, but Sanji couldn't give up his newfound connection to the sea, to All Blue. He's only just rediscovered it. He had become addicted to the feeling of the currents flowing through his veins and to the instinctual knowledge that it was out there. And the painfully lifelike dreams that he had while in his merman state left him with a feeling of closeness that he couldn't describe…and that he also couldn't let go. Guilt and embarrassment nagged at him. Sanji should tell them; he owed that much to his crewmates.

"Did you transform again?" asked Robin.

Dammit, why did she have to be so clever? Sanji sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," said Zoro.

"Really?!" exclaimed Luffy, bouncing excitedly in his seat. "That's so cool, Sanji! When?"

Well, there was no hiding it from them now. Sanji tried his best not to sink lower into his chair as he answered. "Last night."

The news seemed to take most of the crew by surprise. The dinner table suddenly erupted with outcries of shock, concern, and interest. Sanji chewed on his spent cigarette. He was feeling overstimulated and irritable, the bathtub full of water pulling at him even more strongly than before. As if it had a mind of its own, his hand moved back to grip at his leg, his fingers digging into the same sore spot above his knee. There was a rushing sound in Sanji's ears that drowned out the voices of his nakama and he couldn't decide if it was his pulse or the ocean calling to him.

"Sanji-kun."

He was vaguely aware of one or more of them trying to get his attention, but he couldn't bring himself to concentrate on them for the suddenly intense pain in his legs.

"Sanji!"

He needed water; that was all that Sanji could think about. And he needed it _now._

"Oi, idiot cook."

Sanji looked up just in time to receive a face full of water. Zoro had decided to dunk his fingers in his water glass and flick the droplets right at him. Sanji flinched as they made contact, but relaxed as the moisture soaked into his skin, relieving some of the pain. He even managed to relinquish his grip on his leg in order to take the abused cigarette from his mouth and drop it in the ashtray on the table. When he felt a hoof touch his elbow, he turned to find Chopper standing beside his chair, his big brown eyes filled with tears and concern.

"Where does it hurt, Sanji?" asked the reindeer, opening the doctor bag that he had retrieved from his office during the commotion.

Sanji pressed his lips together.

"Tell him, cook," growled Zoro. This time, he really did look like he might attack him. "This has gone on long enough. No use hiding shit from us anymore."

Sanji shot the swordsman a dark glare, but knew that he should comply. He heaved a tired sigh. "My legs hurt everywhere…but mostly at the joints." He gave Chopper his best apologetic expression, but knew that he probably just looked sad. "It hurts to walk and to sit and to stand. There are shooting pains sometimes too."

Chopper nodded, his mouth set in a deep frown. The rest of the crew had fallen silent, all of them watching the doctor expectantly as he pressed and prodded at Sanji's legs. "Does anything make the pain go away?"

"Water." The answer came more easily than it should have. When Chopper gave him a slightly confused look, Sanji clarified, "When I get wet—when I transform into a..a…when I get the tail, the pain goes away instantly. But it comes back almost as soon as I have legs again."

From across the table, Robin hummed, drawing Sanji's attention.

"Yes, Robin-chan?"

"Are there any other symptoms?" she asked. Her eyes sparkled with perception and intelligence, seeming to see right through Sanji.

"Well…" Sanji trailed off. He wanted to answer honestly—he owed the others that much—but, dammit, the All Blue was his.

"Sanji-kun?" Nami reached across the table and laid her hand over his, making his heart race. There was no saying "no" to her.

"I've been having this dream," he said, finding himself unable to look any of his nakama in the eye. His admission came with a spike of pain in his leg and Sanji pulled his hand away from Nami's to massage at it.

"What are these dreams about?" pressed Robin.

"It's just one," said Sanji. "It's always the same one…about All Blue."

Nami and Usopp gasped and Zoro and Luffy frowned.

"All Blue…" muttered Franky. "Isn't that just some old sailor's story?"

"No, it's real," growled Sanji, sounding more defensive than he had intended. "And I'm going to find it."

"Okay, okay," said Franky, raising his hands in surrender. "No need to get upset, bro."

"Finding All Blue is Sanji's _dream_," said Luffy, his eyes wide. "It's really important to him."

An awkward silence fell over the table, the quiet only broken when Robin stood and left the galley. Sanji made to follow after her. He wanted to make sure that he hadn't upset her, but Chopper kept him in place. The doctor seemed absolutely intent upon finding some reason for his leg pain.

"How long has all of this been going on?" asked Zoro, pulling Sanji's attention away from the door.

Sanji frowned, trying his best to suppress the defensiveness that automatically made his hackles rise every time the swordsman spoke. It was a fair enough question, though he was almost ashamed to answer honestly. Sanji's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Since I woke up."

"Wait, you mean when you woke up from that coma two weeks ago?!" yelped Chopper, jumping away from Sanji in shock.

Sanji nodded bitterly, his hands clenching into fists when he heard Zoro mutter "I knew it" under his breath.

"Look," said Sanji, feeling the sudden need to explain himself. "I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I've dealt with worse than a little leg pain before. Hell, the shitty plant over there is bleeding out half the time! He might be bleeding on the floor or into his dense brain right now, for all we know!"

"Don't try to pass this off on me, cook," growled Zoro. "You're the one who's been hiding an injury, not me."

Sanji scowled at him, his lips curling back in a snarl.

"He's right though, Sanji," said Usopp. "Why didn't you just say something?"

"Well, I—uh…I…" Sanji couldn't quite find the words. He still didn't want to admit to his childish need to hold onto something like a dream, especially when it was about something that he insisted was real.

"It's because of the dreams, isn't it?" Robin answered for him, having returned from wherever she had gone. Probably the library, judging by the large book in her hands.

Sanji clenched his jaw and nodded. Under any other circumstances, he would have leapt up to lavish the brilliant archaeologist with praise, but shame kept him glued to his seat.

"I thought that might be the case," she said as she placed the book on the table, a half dozen disembodied hands clearing the space for it regardless of whether or not the food on the plate was finished. Off to his side, Sanji heard Usopp and Zoro grumble in protest, but he paid them no heed. Instead, his rapt attention was on the title at the top of the page Robin had turned to.

"The Dream Dream Fruit?" asked Nami after a momentary glance.

"Yes," said Robin. "I believe that our cook is under this fruit's effects."

"Really?!" cried Chopper, jumping up onto the vacated chair beside Sanji to get a better look. The reindeer read quickly, his frown deepening as his eyes skimmed down the page. "This isn't good."

"Not at all," said Robin.

"But it doesn't say anything here about changing people into mermaids, er, mer_men_," said Usopp, amending his statement after a quick glare from Sanji.

"Not usually, no," agreed Robin. "Typically, the Dream Dream Fruit drives its victims into a deep slumber with very vivid dreams, however—" She pointed to the bottom of the page. "—look at the footnote."

Nami leaned over the table, her brow furrowing as she read the tiny text. "'On occasion, a direct hit of the Dream Dream Beam to an individual with deep ties to their dream may yield a physical transformation.' So, Sanji-kun is turning into a merman because his dream is about All Blue?"

Robin nodded. "Precisely."

"Wow, Sanji! You must _really_ love All Blue, don't you?" asked Luffy with a wide grin. He almost looked proud.

"I guess he would have a really strong connection to the sea that way," muttered Usopp.

"A sea snake would have been better," added Zoro with a challenging smirk in Sanji's direction. "Small and slimey, just like you, right Ero-Cook?"

Sanji shot a dark glare at Zoro, but didn't rise to his bait. His concentration was elsewhere; namely on the last paragraph at the bottom of the page.

"_Though it may seem innocuous, the power of the Dream Dream Fruit is not to be taken lightly. Its effects are gradual and often unnoticeable to the victim, whose very psychology may be changed by the need to dream. There is no medicinal cure to a direct hit from the Dream Dream Beam. Rather, if the curse isn't lifted by the Devil Fruit user himself within six weeks' time, the changes will become permanent._"

Sanji's mouth ran dry. Permanent. After six weeks, his curse would be permanent. He wasn't sure if that meant that he would forever be a merman or if it just meant that being a human would be painful for the rest of his life and that water would always cause a transformation. Either way, it was horribly inconvenient and not an option. As much as he loved these dreams, he would never find the real All Blue in his current condition. It was too dangerous—for him, sure, but _especially_ for the others.

As the rest of the Straw Hats continued to talk and to plan, their foreheads nearly touching as they leaned over Robin's book, Sanji stood and began to clear the dishes. He couldn't sit, not with the knowledge brought by this new information. Part of him, the part Sanji now knew had been changed by the curse, wanted to simply drop everything and go run a bath. No, not that. He wanted to swim in the ocean. He hadn't done that since he had transformed for the first time when he had gone in after Luffy. The dark waters of the Grand Line pulled at him more strongly than ever; so much so that when Sanji set the stack of dirty dishes on the counter beside the sink, his hands shook as he pulled them away. This Dream Dream curse thing had become far worse that he had realized. Sanji took a quick mental tally of the days that had passed since his first transformation. It had been nearly two weeks already; three, including the week he had spent sleeping in Chopper's infirmary. That meant—

"Wait, what's this?" came Usopp's raised voice from the table behind him. "It has to be lifted within six weeks?!"

With shaking hands, Sanji lit a cigarette as he listened to his crewmates come to the same conclusion that he had just drawn.

"But it's already been three weeks!" cried Chopper.

He inhaled deeply, the nicotine doing little to calm his nerves.

"So?" said Luffy, ever the optimist. "We still have three weeks."

Sanji exhaled, the tremor in his hands still present as he turned on the sink tap and threw his favorite dish towel over his shoulder.

"So," said Nami with an exasperated sigh. "We only have three weeks to search all of the New World for one little pirate ship with no real means of locating them. Then, _if_ we do actually find them, we'll have to fight them and hope that no one else gets hit with this Dream Dream Beam. And _then_ we'll have to find a way to force this Devil Fruit user to lift the curse."

Sanji clenched his jaw painfully tight, nearly biting through his cigarette as he watched the sink fill with soapy water. Dammit, even the dishwater looked tempting at this point.

"So?" asked Luffy, apparently still unclear as to how all of this was a problem.

Sanji heard the rest of the crew heave a collective sigh. If only they could all share their captain's single-minded, unswayable hopeful outlook. As Nami began to explain their problem to Luffy for the second time, Sanji heard a chair slide back from the table and more felt than saw Zoro approach him.

"You should be over there," said the swordsman, keeping his voice low as he leaned his hip against the counter. "This is about _you_ anyway."

"And do what?" retorted Sanji with a derisive snort. He unbuttoned and rolled up his sleeves. "Between Nami-san and Robin-chan, I'm sure that we'll have some sort of a plan. I'm of no use over there."

When Zoro only frowned and crossed his arms, Sanji felt a small swell of rage and defiance. The feeling only grew when he realized that the rest of the crew had gone silent and was watching them.

"Listen, I'm cursed, not an invalid," said Sanji, doing his best to control his emotions and not yell at his crewmates. "Let me do my job."

Chopper jumped down from his chair, his eyes wide with worry. "But Sanji, if you're in pain—"

"I'll deal with it." Sanji hissed an angry breath of smoke through his teeth. "I can handle a little…discomfort. What I can't handle is sitting around and being useless." He waved a hand in Zoro's direction. "That's the shitty plant's job."

Zoro growled at the jab, but otherwise stayed put. The others were all watching him with open concern on their faces.

"Okay," said Sanji, struggling to keep his temper under control, "how about you guys leave while I do the dishes? We can discuss all of this over dessert."

"I don't know," said Usopp, paling several shades when Sanji turned to face him. He sank down in his seat a little, but pressed on anyway. "Are you sure that you should be alone right now?"

Sanji rolled his eyes. "And why shouldn't I be alone right now?"

Usopp's gaze flicked to the sink full of dishwater and then back to Sanji's face. "Uh—"

"Are you serious?" deadpanned Sanji. "You think I can't handle myself around a little water?"

No one answered.

"I'm not so far gone that I can't wash the damned dishes!" snapped Sanji. He violently yanked his sleeves the rest of the way above his elbows. "I'll even prove it to you!"

With an angry huff, Sanji spun on his heel and thrust his hands into the soapy dishwater, a self-satisfied "See?!" coming out of his mouth as soon as he touched the water. He wanted to cheer. He could still do this. He could still function. Things weren't as bad as they seemed.

His victory was short-lived however. No sooner had he gotten elbow deep in the warm water than the pain in his legs suddenly vanished. Sanji barely had enough time to scream out a loud and colorful curse, his legs disappearing amidst the sounds of tearing fabric and the rushing sound of ocean currents in his ears. Instead of proving a point, Sanji found himself clinging to the edge of the sink, the rounded corner of the countertop digging painfully into the soft skin under his arms. His chin was throbbing where he'd knocked it against the marble as he fell, though it didn't hurt nearly as much as his pride. Beneath him, Sanji could feel his tail writhing and curling angrily on the floor, the hard scales scratching the wood.

"Sanji!"

If that hadn't been the entire crew minus Zoro yelling his name, then Sanji needed to have his ears checked.

Ever careful to keep from accidentally extinguishing his cigarette in the dishwater, Sanji slowly eased himself onto the floor. He was getting better and better at maneuvering with the tail, a fact that brought him mixed feelings of comfort and disdain. Sanji gave his new appendage a cursory glance, immediately noting the tattered remains of his pants spread out around him. Great, more clothes ruined. He looked up when he heard Usopp clear his throat.

"If you so much as _think_ about saying 'I told you so', then I will personally escort you to the bottom of the ocean!" Sanji growled. He gestured violently toward his tail. "Because apparently, that's something I can do now!"

Usopp audibly gulped and slid back into his seat.

There were several moments of awkward silence with no one quite sure of what to say. Sanji took the opportunity to take a succession of deep drags from his cigarette. He could feel smug self-satisfaction rolling off of Zoro in waves, while Luffy looked like he was battling with his intense need to fix the problem and to poke at Sanji's scales. Nami and Robin were watching him with very open and obvious concern and Chopper was clearly on the edge of crying as he fiddled nervously with his doctor's bag. Sanji finally caved.

"Yes, Chopper?"

"Has this happened with that little water before?" asked the reindeer.

"No."

"So, it is getting worse," said Robin grimly. "We must hurry to find these other pirates and cure our cook."

"Yes," agreed Brook. "We'll have quite a _bone _to pick with them."

Several irritated glares silenced the skeleton's laughing.

"But we still don't know how we're going to find them," said Nami.

Luffy shrugged and grinned. "Maybe they'll come to us."

Usopp frowned. "I don't think that—"

Suddenly, there was a loud blast that could only be cannon fire, its resulting impact rocking the Sunny with enough force to send the rest of the crew to join Sanji on the floor. Both Sanji and Zoro swore loudly as the swordsman landed on top of him, his sheathed swords digging painfully into Sanji's stomach.

"What the hell?!" growled Zoro, quickly pushing himself up and following Luffy, Franky, and Brook through the door of the galley with the others close on his heels.

Finally, Sanji found himself alone in the galley, though not under the circumstances that he wanted to be. Bracing himself on his elbows, he slowly dragged himself toward the open doorway, all of his attention focused on the sounds of battle coming through it. Could it be? Had Luffy's naïve prophecy come true? Had the bastard that had done this to him returned?

As he reached the door, the deck of the Thousand Sunny came into sight, only to be blocked again by the not-so-stunning view of Zoro's backside.

"Stay in there, cook," ordered Zoro before Sanji could open his mouth to yell at him. "You're in no shape to fight and you know it. The captain says that I'm to protect you."

Sanji frowned but obliged, his hands curling into angry fists nonetheless. It was this impotence that he hated the most. Somewhere out of sight, he could hear Luffy's battle cries and Nami yelling orders. "Who is it? Other pirates?"

Zoro shook his head and drew his white blade, clamping it between his teeth before unsheathing the other two.

"Worse. Marines."


End file.
